Episode Transcript

Alyssa Davies

McKenna: [00:00:00] Hello, everyone, and welcome to Health: It's Personal. We are now in our financial series where we're sharing stories and expert guests and advice on finances to kick off our New Year in the right way. Today, we just spoke with Alyssa Davies of Mixed Up Money, her award winning blog. She's also the author of the 100 Day Financial Goal Journal and a self-proclaimed financial nerd. She gives judgment-free money content for women and for everyone. All of her information and wonderful knowledge comes from her experience getting through financial debt and then becoming a new mom, where she tracked in her first year all of her expenses. And so it's really fascinating to hear exactly how many diapers she bought and all the expenses that were involved in having a new child so that she and her partner could start this new chapter of their life in the right way. And so she has a lot of advice to give. [00:00:53][53.3]

Karen: [00:00:54] I'm in all of any person that's able to think ahead about finances straight out of the gate. I'm also really impressed with anyone who takes their debt and really focuses on it and is able to make these huge strides. And she did both. [00:01:08][14.3]

Sean: [00:01:09] Yeah. And I loved chatting with her because it was so accessible to just have that conversation and learn about her experience and hear her tips and tricks. But it was really cool because it felt like it was just, it could be any of us. Right. In that situation. And how do we get through that just as a regular person rather than a, you know, a guru? [00:01:29][19.9]

McKenna: [00:01:30] She always mentions that it's important to know that you are going to make mistakes along your financial journey and that getting through the harder days and celebrating the small victories is all part of that. [00:01:42][11.6]

Sean: [00:01:43] Absolutely, yeah. [00:01:44][0.8]

Karen: [00:01:44] We've had peaks and valleys. You know, obviously, I'm the oldest person here - through our financial journey. And together, Scott and I have found different ways to front load and think about things in the future. But it wasn't always that way for us. It can be so stressful to come into a relationship with someone who thinks about money differently than you do. And I think so many of us think about, well, it's personal. So many of us think about money differently. And having that mindset straight and getting all those tough conversations out of the way early in your relationship is so lovely. I think we spend a lot of time not meshing in that area. And I feel like that was such a waste of time, but I feel so happy about how we handle it now. It takes a lot of time and a lot of energy and a lot of work. [00:02:34][50.1]

McKenna: [00:02:35] Yeah, absolutely. I love what you mentioned, Mom, about something Dr. Becky said lately, who we spoke with on the podcast during the parenting series. She mentioned that you can look at your partner as another country that has different customs and grew up with different beliefs and lives a different way. And if you're going to visit a country that has those things, you would appreciate it for everything that it was and not try to change it and just, you know, try to learn from it and grow yourself. And so having that analogy is really helpful, I think, because we can get so frustrated talking to a partner about money if you're not on the same page because it's such an emotional process. [00:03:17][41.3]

Sean: [00:03:18] It was such a great conversation for so many reasons with, you know, planning for a child or any situation that you want to save up for or any goals that you set for yourself and your family. But we also talked a lot about relationships with ourselves and finances with loved ones in our lives and with our mental health and finances, too, which is so enlightening and helpful because we can apply these same lessons to all of those areas, and especially when it comes to our personal relationships. [00:03:47][28.8]

Karen: [00:03:47] She literally blew my mind when she said that you can have an account set aside for your far, far future plans as a young person. What?! I love that. Nobody told me that when I was 20. [00:04:02][14.4]

McKenna: [00:04:03] Yeah. And I think there's some embarrassment around thinking too far ahead, knowing that you don't even have a partner yet or are thinking about marriage or children, but wanting to have some money set aside for a wedding so that you're not in debt going into your marriage in case something happens in the next several years. And so admitting that to someone might feel a little embarrassing or uncomfortable. And she was like, you shouldn't feel embarrassed, first of all. And second of all, nobody has to know. [00:04:29][26.2]

Karen: [00:04:30] Yeah, that's your business. [00:04:30][0.2]

McKenna: [00:04:32] Yeah. So if it does come down to it and you meet someone and do you want to start a family or you have an unexpected pregnancy or you want to have a wedding and not end up in debt, starting your new life with this person, you're already taking care of, and how great is that? [00:04:46][14.4]

Sean: [00:04:47] And what's the worst that happened? You saved a bunch of money. [00:04:49][1.7]

Karen: [00:04:49] Yeah. [00:04:49][0.0]

McKenna: [00:04:50] Yeah. [00:04:50][0.0]

Sean: [00:04:51] And I think that it was so helpful to me because we kind of assume when we go into a relationship, especially if it's a romantic relationship. And a partnership, you're a team, right, but we kind of jump in and think everything is like, I think it you know, we don't do that intentionally. But, you know, clearly they think about money and finances and budgeting the same way I do. We don't even really give that conscious thought until big things pop up. And you're like, oh, OK. Well, that's not how I was looking at it. Yeah. And that was so helpful. And actually that was part of why I did and a really important relationship in my life because we had seen things like we said, you know, down the road in 10 years, 20 years. And it was basically a situation where I said, if you ever came into a large sum of money, what would you do with that? Would you do selfish? It wasn't worded exactly like this, but basically, you know. [00:05:40][48.9]

Karen: [00:05:41] Would you be a selfish jerk? [00:05:41][0.0]

Sean: [00:05:42] Or would you help give back to communities and things like that? And we both had different answers. And so I knew that was kind of a deal breaker. [00:05:48][6.7]

McKenna: [00:05:49] You were the selfish jerk, Sean. [00:05:50][1.2]

Karen: [00:05:50] Yeah. [00:05:50][0.0]

Sean: [00:05:51] Yeah, of course. Well, I want it all for me. I just I couldn't come to terms with, like, I can't imagine just only keeping it for myself. And those are different lifestyles, so. [00:06:01][10.1]

McKenna: [00:06:02] Well, it's fun to play the what if we won the lottery game and that's such a great way to have a money conversation without it being a money conversation. [00:06:09][7.2]

Sean: [00:06:10] Yeah. [00:06:10][0.0]

Karen: [00:06:11] Yeah. She said that you can have so many conversations about money that never sound like they're conversations about money. That's a great one. [00:06:17][6.5]

Sean: [00:06:18] It was revolutionary. Or sometimes it gets way too deep. And I'm like, wow, that did not go the way I expected it. So uh... [00:06:23][5.9]

McKenna: [00:06:26] This was supposed to be like a dinner table game. [00:06:29][2.3]

Sean: [00:06:29] Yeah, yeah, exactly. However, if you ask the question, you should be prepared for the answers. [00:06:33][4.0]

McKenna: [00:06:34] Yeah! Alyssa had wonderful advice for relationships and reflecting on your past and how you can move forward into the future and the more money savvy way and plan for things that maybe aren't on your mind right now just so that you feel more comfortable down the line, kind of taking care of your future self. So we love that and we know you will, too. So please grab a cup of tea and enjoy. [00:06:59][24.5]

Episode Intro: [00:07:02] Health is harmony, when yo'ure aligned to everything you believe in is when you feel that harmony, and you feel peace. Trying to get to the root cause of things. There is just so much to learn. Can you be present in those moments in your life that mean the most. Because health, it's personal. [00:07:02][0.0]

Sean: [00:07:19] Welcome, Alyssa. We're thrilled to have you here to share your wisdom and insight with us and our listeners. You're a blogger, designer, writer and an advocate for making finance more accessible for everyone. Your work is largely inspired from your own journey with finances, and especially for when you were planning for your first child. And that has evolved into a love of helping others in this area. If you wouldn't mind, please share a little bit about your background and journey? [00:07:44][24.9]

Alyssa: [00:07:45] For sure. So I started blogging way back in 2015. That seems like a different life now. But yeah, I was in a lot of consumer debt. I had just started a new job where we were helping other people get out of debt. And when I sat in on a couple of the training sessions, I realized that I was the people we were talking to. [00:08:08][23.1]

Karen: [00:08:09] Wow. [00:08:09][0.0]

Alyssa: [00:08:09] And I felt like, yeah, I was like, wait a minute. [00:08:12][2.8]

Karen: [00:08:13] Shoot. [00:08:13][0.0]

Alyssa: [00:08:14] If I don't do the same things they're advising our clients to do, I'm going to be one of in one of these sessions. And so that night, it's like I had only been working there for three days. And that night I went home and I just started Googling, you know, how do I get out of debt? What do I do with my money? How far behind am I? Because I feel like that's a common concern for a lot of millennials. And I found a ton of great information. I found one blog that was actually in the same city I live in, which was super helpful because it was easy to relate to. And I was like, wait a minute, maybe I can do this, too. And I just started writing online. It was like an open diary kind of thing just for me to track my debt repayments, hold myself accountable and make other people feel like they weren't alone. Because that's how I felt when I when I first realized what was happening with my money. [00:09:05][50.8]

Karen: [00:09:06] Yeah, that's the worst feeling. And that's our goal here to going through hard times is so much better when you have someone else to guide you or hold your hand or cheer you on. [00:09:16][10.6]

Sean: [00:09:17] Or even just, oh, they're going through it too. [00:09:19][1.6]

Karen: [00:09:20] Yeah. Just relate. [00:09:21][0.8]

Alyssa: [00:09:23] Yeah. Because it really does feel like you're alone. And I was thinking this morning too, like, money is so weird because it's probably one of the least rewarding challenges that you face. Like if you're going through debt repayment, you're just constantly making these payments and you see the money like decreasing slowly. But you're like, well, I'm not feeling like I'm doing anything. I'm not making any progress, even though you are. It's just such a slow burn. So I can feel just so defeating even though you're making so much progress. [00:09:50][27.2]

Sean: [00:09:51] Yeah. So on that note, you've come up with some really great tips for how to keep track of that daily too, so that you don't forget that that progress is happening. Which is so helpful. [00:10:00][8.5]

Alyssa: [00:10:00] Exactly. [00:10:00][0.0]

Sean: [00:10:01] And before we dove too deeply, you talk a lot about all those incredible milestones that you've been able to achieve thanks to that careful planning and tracking and lots of education about personal finance. Would you mind telling us about a few of those huge milestones that you're most proud of and how you achieved them? [00:10:17][15.6]

Alyssa: [00:10:18] Yeah, for sure. Well, the first one obviously paying off my debt. I feel like anyone who accomplishes that deserves a huge party, like a celebration, like we have baby showers and weddings. We need to have parties for debt repayment because it is such a big challenge and feat. So that was one of the things I'm most proud of to this day. And from that, it just kind of started to spin into so many positive things because I finally had the room to take control of my money. So I was able to pay for my wedding in full. I was just pretending I was still paying off my debt. I just put the same debt repayments into a high interest savings account and I saved for my entire wedding in full. So I didn't have any debt after I got married, which was a really big thing I wanted to accomplish. Yeah. [00:11:02][44.8]

Karen: [00:11:03] Yeah. Great way to start a life with someone. [00:11:05][1.8]

Alyssa: [00:11:05] Right? No one wants to enter into a marriage or a partnership in debt. It's, it's already overwhelming enough trying to share your life with someone so. [00:11:13][8.1]

Sean: [00:11:14] And no guilt about having that wedding that you wanted, too. [00:11:16][2.1]

Alyssa: [00:11:18] Yeah, exactly. And then from there I, since I've started the blog and since I started working on this consistently, I've been able to double my income and double my net worth because it used to be negative. So... I think like the biggest things that happened was when I started taking control of my money, too, I, I just started learning a lot of tactics that were really easy to take control of. Like doubling my income seemed easy because I was able to negotiate. And I never thought that you could do that before. And making myself earn more money was easy because I knew I could start a side hustle and that was something that could help me increase my income while I was still able to cycle my passions into what I was doing. [00:11:58][40.1]

Karen: [00:11:59] That's awesome. Yeah, I saw you post something about people having a side hustle and why that's so fulfilling. It allows you to have the security of a job, but then the joy of all the things that you're passionate about. And I thought that was such a nice message. [00:12:14][15.0]

Alyssa: [00:12:15] Thanks. Yeah, that was exactly how I feel, because I'm sure you guys know when you're working in any type of career, if you're working on a project, everyone is also working on the same project. So everything has to be reviewed. Everyone has to have an opinion like, oh, man, I really loved that and I didn't get that win today. And you don't have that when it's your own your own business. So... [00:12:37][21.9]

Karen: [00:12:37] Yeah, you just do what you want. Well, one of our favorite things is to follow your Instagram page. It's really fun and inviting and informative. And we also really love the style of the art that you use, which reminds us of the portraits we use for our podcast. So that's really fun. We felt really connected to it. Would you mind telling us more about what got you started on your Instagram page and how that journey has been for you? [00:13:00][22.5]

Alyssa: [00:13:01] Yeah, that's actually probably the craziest story for me, because up until March, I had two thousand followers on Instagram, so it's grown quite significantly in the past few months. Yeah. Before I was I was constantly posting like the typical selfie or just whatever I was doing. And I felt like I wasn't enjoying it, which probably meant that my audience wasn't enjoying it. So I was like, I don't want to post my face anymore. I don't want to have to be taking pictures of myself every single day and all of the stuff that I'm doing. And so I started looking around and looking for inspiration. And I was like, drawing just looks like so much fun. [00:13:38][36.9]

Alyssa: [00:13:38] So I downloaded Procreate in March of 2020 and I started watching hundreds of YouTube tutorials and it just has been slowly getting better. They were rough drawings at the beginning, but I kind of found my style and it's really gone hand in hand with making people feel excited about money without feeling threatening, without feeling like it's too personalized, like they can't relate. And I've just had such a fun time kind of making this feed that is accessible and feels like everyone can be safe and not judged here, because that is exactly how I felt any time I was talking about money. And I don't want that for anyone else. [00:14:21][42.9]

Karen: [00:14:22] Stop it. So you literally draw all these images. What?! [00:14:25][3.2]

Sean: [00:14:27] That was what I wanted to know. Yeah, that's awesome. [00:14:28][0.9]

Alyssa: [00:14:28] Yeah, I spend... I spend a few hours every night. This is my little hobby since I don't have any other things going on in my life right now. [00:14:37][8.9]

Karen: [00:14:37] Oh, nothing else. Right. Just um... ALL the things. [00:14:41][4.0]

Sean: [00:14:42] That's how you fill your cup! [00:14:42][0.1]

Karen: [00:14:44] Yeah, how you fill your cup. That's incredible. I didn't realize that you were actually drawing these and I love your sentence that you're like I just thought drawing look like fun. [00:14:53][8.9]

Alyssa: [00:14:54] It is fun. I can vouch for it now. [00:14:56][1.7]

Karen: [00:14:58] Wooow! For those of you that can't see her feed right now, you have to pop on over there because it's really, really fun. And we love your humor and we love your... It is, it's really connecting. And I think it because you feel so proud of it, it probably resonates with your viewers because it gives them the feeling that you feel when you present it. [00:15:17][18.9]

Alyssa: [00:15:17] Thanks so much. That's really sweet. [00:15:18][1.2]

McKenna: [00:15:19] You're so creative. And you also published a book, The 100 Day Financial Goal Journal: Build a Plan for Your Financial Future. What inspired you to start writing this book? And how did that experience kind of impact you? And what has the response been? [00:15:33][13.6]

Alyssa: [00:15:33] Oh, man, I've always written about money. That's how I got my start in this kind of industry, I guess you would call it. But that's essentially what my blog was functioning as. It was a place for me to track every single expense that I had, every single debt repayment that I made. I knew that there was a need for it because it's really hard to know what you should be tracking, how it correlates with the way you spend your money and what you can do to better yourself financially. And I feel like that's kind of what sparked the 100 Day Financial Goal Journal is money is very emotional. And this journal gives you an opportunity to be like, this is how I'm feeling today. This is where I spent my money, and did how I spend my money translate with how I was feeling that day. Like if I was having a bad day or because, for example, like I mentioned to you guys earlier, I had a terrible sleep last night, so I might be a little bit more willing to spend money to make myself feel better. I would love to go get a coffee right now. You would not believe. [00:16:35][61.7]

Karen: [00:16:37] Right. [00:16:37][0.0]

Alyssa: [00:16:38] But I'm doing a no spend month right now to challenge myself for the start of the year and just writing that down and writing it on paper saying like, I want this, but I know that it's not something I need. It's something that I want because of this certain behavior. And it just has helped me so much kind of get to know the ways that I spend and how it impacts my emotions with money. So that's what the Journal is all about. I highly recommend it if you're just getting into learning about money, because it's a great way to just get your start. There's no aggressive take on your money. It's just like this is where you're at and this is what you can do to catch up. But I've had a lot of amazing messages. I think that's been the best part is people messaging me and being like, oh, I love this so much. Someone's already on their third journal, which I thought only my mom would buy it. [00:17:21][43.2]

Karen: [00:17:22] Yeah! [00:17:22][0.0]

McKenna: [00:17:22] That's awesome! [00:17:22][0.0]

Sean: [00:17:22] That's cool! [00:17:22][0.0]

Alyssa: [00:17:24] So that is just really, really cool to see and and hear that it's a different way to look at money for them because so much financial advice is the same and it doesn't work for everyone because everyone is so unique with their money and how they were brought up and the ways they spend. [00:17:39][14.7]

Karen: [00:17:39] That's so cool. I'm obsessed with your calendars and I've not really thought about that practice before, but just marking the days when you don't spend and putting, like, really fun colors and feeling proud and, like you said, celebrating those wins because money is not something that we normally celebrate unless we win the lottery. Right. Which never happens. So... [00:18:02][22.8]

Alyssa: [00:18:03] Yeah! [00:18:03][0.0]

McKenna: [00:18:03] We were just talking about that yesterday, too, because Sean gifted us a really beautiful calendar with art on it. And I was like, oh, I should just mark off the days. But then the calendar is so nice I don't want to mark anything on it. [00:18:17][14.1]

Alyssa: [00:18:18] You just have to get like some great stickers that match the stuff. [00:18:22][3.4]

McKenna: [00:18:22] Yeah. Right. [00:18:22][0.4]

Karen: [00:18:23] Yeah. Yes, exactly. Would you draw some? [00:18:25][2.0]

Alyssa: [00:18:26] Yeah! [00:18:26][0.0]

Sean: [00:18:27] That's a good idea! [00:18:28][0.8]

Alyssa: [00:18:31] Yeah. But the, the thing about the trackers too is I don't track like every single thing I spend money on because some things we need and they're essential. It's just about tracking nonessentials, things that you don't actually need and also recognizing that it is OK to still spend on nonessentials because it's unrealistic to completely cut yourself off from the things that you love. [00:18:51][20.0]

Karen: [00:18:51] When I saw some of the calendars that you shared from other people, I thought it was cool how you could see a sea of no spending days, but then like four or five spending days. And it really, like, put it into perspective for me for some reason. [00:19:05][13.7]

Alyssa: [00:19:05] Yeah. Like everybody has those days where you have to spend money. I had two in a row. I was just having a rough week and I was like, I want takeout. And I need a new book for my daughter. I just like, I needed to spend money because I felt like I had been stuck at home for so many days in a row. And I was like, I just need fresh air. I just need space to get out of the house. [00:19:25][20.0]

Karen: [00:20:00] So your daughter is almost three and on top of all the other challenges involved, you also managed to track all of your spending throughout the process of being a new parent up until now, I guess, right? [00:20:12][11.7]

Alyssa: [00:20:12] Yeah, the first year was the most important time for me to track. I felt. [00:20:16][3.3]

Karen: [00:20:16] OK, would you mind telling us a little bit about your journey and the planning that went into all of that and how the tracking of your finances impacted you and your family? [00:20:24][7.9]

Alyssa: [00:20:25] For sure. So I'll start - it's hard to hard to know where to start with that one, because kids are such a big part of our lives. But I'm totally open with saying, you know, it was an unplanned pregnancy for me. So I actually found out quite late that I was pregnant. And immediately upon taking the pregnancy test, it wasn't the typical oh, my gosh, I'm so excited. It was more like the what have I gotten into?! [00:20:50][25.1]

Karen: [00:20:53] Yeah. [00:20:53][0.0]

Alyssa: [00:20:53] So I think that it's super important for everyone to know that no matter where you are, even if it's planned, you're probably not going to be ready. So this is what I did. I sat down the night I found out that I was pregnant and I wrote down a list of probably every single thing I was going to spend money on leading up to having the baby. So things that you would need for like the nursery for gear, for preparing for like maternity leave or paternity leave. [00:21:21][27.4]

Karen: [00:21:21] So real quick, is that... So leading up to your pregnancy, you had already paid off all your debt and you were in kind of that mindset about money? Right? [00:21:31][10.2]

Alyssa: [00:21:32] Yes. [00:21:32][0.0]

Karen: [00:21:32] And that's why, day one, you were thinking about it. OK, got you. [00:21:35][2.8]

Alyssa: [00:21:35] Yes. [00:21:35][0.0]

Sean: [00:21:36] Prepared you for... for handling it. [00:21:37][0.8]

Alyssa: [00:21:39] Exactly. I was like, OK, I know. Kind of know what I should be doing here. But what I will say is that the first thing anyone should do is open a high interest savings account or high yield savings account. It's just a great place to keep your money separate for when you're on leave with your new baby. And it's a place for you to keep it separate so that you know how much you have. And it's kind of out of sight, out of mind. I think that's good with any financial goal. [00:22:02][23.2]

Alyssa: [00:22:03] And then immediately we stopped saving for all of our other financial goals, which was suddenly not such a big deal like traveling and buying a house. We were like, that stuff's going to come later. We don't, we can't worry about it right now. And then we just changed our current spending habits. Obviously, when you're pregnant, you can't do a lot of fun things you probably used to do. So that was a quick fix to save just a couple extra hundred dollars a month. I couldn't do the same kind of gym exercise I wanted to do. Or I can go out for drinks at a bar and I wouldn't want to be there anyways. I was exhausted. [00:22:38][34.7]

Karen: [00:22:39] You just you changed your lifestyle for sure. [00:22:42][2.3]

Alyssa: [00:22:42] Yeah, absolutely. And so I think that was what we did right away. And and once it started happening and we started getting closer, we felt more and more prepared and we ended up saving more than enough money to cover our expenses while we were on leave. And that made the entire year a lot less stressful because there are so many expenses that you just don't really realize are going to be there. And a lot of that was just, again, like convenience. I was exhausted. So I wanted to spend money on takeout. I wanted to have someone deliver food. It was easy to just say, yep, I can afford this. It's OK. [00:23:21][39.0]

Karen: [00:23:22] So you started tracking your money. How long did you and your partner have for leave? [00:23:26][4.5]

Alyssa: [00:23:27] Well, because we're in Canada, I had twelve months off, is what I chose. We can choose between 12 to 18 months. [00:23:34][6.7]

Karen: [00:23:34] So that's a lot of savings that you had to do. [00:23:37][2.1]

Alyssa: [00:23:37] Yes, it was quite significant. Back then, it was a little bit different. My husband was the higher income earner, so it was a little bit less stressful. Whereas today, if we were to have another baby, I'm now the high income earner. So it would be a completely different scenario and we would have to save a lot more money. So those are some things you have to think about that you might not consider is how much are you going to need to supplement? How much time are you taking off of work? And also the fact that you never know how much time you're going to need off work. You can plan and plan and plan, and it'll never be what you think. I actually ended up going back to work after ten months. I was like, I'm ready to go back to work. [00:24:13][35.6]

Karen: [00:24:14] Yeah, yeah. [00:24:14][0.3]

Sean: [00:24:16] But it was nice to have that extra time as an option. Should you have wanted or needed that. [00:24:19][3.4]

Alyssa: [00:24:20] Well, yeah. And here we were able to split as well. So my husband got to take two months off of the remaining time and that was great for my daughter and him. And it was just a nice little change of pace for us as well. [00:24:33][13.0]

Karen: [00:24:33] Yeah. So then the first year you were tracking other expenses, is that right? [00:24:39][5.3]

Alyssa: [00:24:39] Yes, I tracked every single diaper and I tracked all the time that we spent breastfeeding. [00:24:44][5.0]

Karen: [00:24:45] Wow. [00:24:45][0.0]

Alyssa: [00:24:46] Yes, we spent eight hundred and - around eight hundred and fifty dollars on diapers and all of the supplies you need. And I actually tracked the amount of hours that I spent breastfeeding because I felt like that was important to note. [00:25:00][14.5]

Karen: [00:25:01] Yes! [00:25:01][0.0]

Alyssa: [00:25:02] It was basically a form of unpaid labor was how I saw it. [00:25:06][4.0]

Karen: [00:25:07] Yes. Oh, my gosh. So eight hundred dollars on diapers for how long? [00:25:12][4.5]

Alyssa: [00:25:12] That was for the whole first year. [00:25:13][1.2]

Karen: [00:25:14] All right. That's good to know. [00:25:15][1.2]

Alyssa: [00:25:16] And I can share a link for you and maybe you guys can share it with your readers. But just it includes every single expense that I had in the first year that would be super helpful for any new parents or anyone who's planning to have a baby. [00:25:28][12.4]

Karen: [00:25:29] Yeah, that will be cool. We'll share in our show notes for sure. So being a new parent is challenging in so many ways, and it's especially challenging when it comes to finances. Do you have any other tips about planning? And I know you said you didn't have a lot of time to plan, but for someone who's really thinking ahead, the way you were kind of building your wealth and getting out of debt and doing all the right things, leading into a pregnancy. What are some tips for someone who wants to be financially savvy going into that experience? [00:26:00][31.0]

Alyssa: [00:26:01] For one thing, I think if you're not yet pregnant, even if you don't even have a partner, it's never too early to start a savings account for a goal that you have. So if you want to have a kid one day, there's no harm in opening up an account. I had an account open before we found out we were pregnant. It only had five hundred dollars in it, but it was five hundred dollars. I was like, that is amazing. I already have a start. I didn't even know if I wanted to kid, but I was like, well, I might as well put some money aside and we'll see if it happens. And that's just super helpful is just to have that little head start. It's kind of like the same. If you want to get married, maybe you start putting a little bit of money aside for a wedding one day. It's never too early to start saving for a goal. Don't feel weird. Don't feel like a freak if you don't have that person yet that you want to want to start a family with, no one needs to know it's your own bank account. So just put money aside for whatever goals you have. They can be as dramatic as you want or unrealistic as you want. It does not matter. So that's one thing I recommend. [00:26:59][57.4]

Karen: [00:27:00] Yeah. And if you change focus at any point, you can make it your Bali fund or whatever it is that you want. Doesn't always have to stay that thing. It can change. [00:27:09][9.1]

Alyssa: [00:27:10] Totally. Yeah. So that's the first thing. And then from there it's just doing the math. The unfun part of planning is actually sitting down and saying, OK, if this is how long I'm going to be off work, this is how much income I'll be down or missing. What can I do to supplement that income? How much do I need to save in the meantime? And just kind of getting to know those numbers. And if you can't afford to save enough, then it's a matter of finding out what areas you can cut back on or maybe more significant expenses you have that you can decrease like your rent, which is sometimes impossible. But those are the bigger changes you can attempt to make to kind of get yourself in a better financial position for such a big change in your life. [00:27:54][44.5]

Karen: [00:27:55] Yeah, it is a big change, right? Yeah, that's great advice. [00:27:57][2.6]

McKenna: [00:27:59] Well, and I have goals, of course. But as far as family planning, it feels pretty far down the line for me right now. But the idea of being in a position where I haven't at least planned for something unexpected to happen is scary. And so making sure that I at least have something ready in case I decide I want to start a family sooner is is a great way to think about it. And then, of course, if your plans change, then you can do something else with that. [00:28:31][32.0]

Alyssa: [00:28:32] And I think it's important, too, that if you are going to open one of those accounts, my recommendation is to do it potentially even at a different bank account, so you can't see that money... Because if you can see it, you might be tempted to spend it on something else. [00:28:44][12.1]

Karen: [00:28:44] You just transfer it straight into your other account. [00:28:46][2.0]

Alyssa: [00:28:47] Yeah, exactly. [00:28:48][0.5]

Sean: [00:28:49] So on that note, because that was a big part of your relationship, too, and we've talked a little bit about, you know, starting a you know, a marriage or a relationship in debt is not a good idea. And all of all these great topics. But this is a big topic that you continue to talk about, which is couples relationships and money and something that is a challenge for many people to do is to have those conversations. Would you mind telling us a little bit about how you and your partner have handled these conversations? [00:29:15][26.0]

Alyssa: [00:29:16] I'll say that we've been together for ten years now, and when we first got together, neither of us were too concerned with money. We were quite young and we were just living our lives. And so most of the conversations that we had about money were not fun, right? Yeah. They were like, I'm paying for more stuff. We should be splitting stuff more equally. And, and it was just never good because we both came in a little bit defensive and came in with ideas in our mind that the other person did not realize that we felt that way. And we just jumped into the conversations without realizing that it was probably best to actually set a time and sit down and talk about it and look at our numbers rather than just start arguing. Yeah, and that is super common for people. [00:30:02][45.8]

Karen: [00:30:02] Super common, yeah! [00:30:03][0.3]

Alyssa: [00:30:04] If that's you, don't worry because it is very normal. Since then and since we both started to take our money a lot more seriously, it's now a fun conversation, and we sit down once a month and just kind of touch base on where we're at financially and we go over, you know, any expenses that we need to dial back, any expenses or any money that we have left over and where we want to put that money towards just because it's great to have goals and plans for your future. And once a year, we do a massive, like, full day long review of our finances and we set goals for the entire year. And that is my favorite, favorite thing that we do together, which sounds kind of lame... [00:30:45][40.8]

Karen: [00:30:46] That's so funny! Well, Scott and I do the same thing and we've kind of gotten away from it a bit. What we call it, the Shively Summit. We would go to like a resort because we lived in Arizona at the time and you could go to a nice resort and stay and just make it more relaxing than just sitting around a table or something. Over the years that got nicer and easier. The first one was hard. [00:31:08][22.0]

Alyssa: [00:31:08] Yeah, it's like the first time I feel like it's more... Getting to know what your partner likes and doesn't like, and their kind of history of spending and their history with money. I like to always tell people it's good to talk about your upbringing with your partner and ask those questions, that kind of sound irrelevant, but that are actually really relevant. Like how did your parents view money? What were your parents' jobs? Was money ever stressor in your household? Is there anything that has kind of changed your outlook on money that happened when you were younger? What's your first money memory? All of those kinds of things kind of trickle into your life as an adult and you don't even realize it. [00:31:47][38.9]

Sean: [00:31:48] Those are really great points. And it's just something to keep in mind, because we kind of, I don't think we do this intentionally, but we just kind of assume like this is the way I view it and we just kind of jump into it thinking everyone else feels the same way. [00:32:00][11.9]

Alyssa: [00:32:01] Yeah, yeah, exactly. [00:32:02][1.3]

Sean: [00:32:03] Going grocery shopping together is like, wow, that's very different than... [00:32:06][2.7]

McKenna: [00:32:06] We're going to IKEA. [00:32:07][0.2]

Sean: [00:32:08] Yeah! [00:32:08][0.0]

Alyssa: [00:32:09] I think one of my favorite questions too is like when you're talking to someone about money, it doesn't have to be a question about money for you to learn something new about how they view finance. Like one question I love is what do you want your wardrobe to look like in 10 years? Like if they're saying blazers and you're saying bathing suits, like one of you clearly wants to be living on a beach and the other person wants to be living downtown working on their career. So that's a question right there, because that can kind of put finance into perspective in a different way. And it's less focused on money. There's different there's different ways to talk about money without making it seem like it's this attack on how you manage your finances. [00:32:49][39.4]

McKenna: [00:32:50] That's a great idea. And if one of you says, I'd like to... My wardrobe to become more minimalist and one person says, I'd like to have all the designer things I've ever wanted. [00:33:00][10.3]

Sean: [00:33:02] Huge walk in closet and-. [00:33:03][1.2]

Alyssa: [00:33:05] That's two very different lifestyles. [00:33:06][1.1]

Karen: [00:33:07] Well, Dr. Becky said something recently that resonated with me. She said, look at your partner as a different country with different customs and a different history and try to respect that in the same way you would respect in other countries the way that they do things. So that would apply, I think, money wise, too. So here's your history, here are your customs. Here's the way that you view things. How can I respect that? [00:33:36][28.9]

Alyssa: [00:33:37] For sure! [00:33:37][0.3]

Sean: [00:33:37] So another huge topic that you love to talk about is mental health, and especially that connection that we see between mental health and our finances. [00:33:46][8.7]

Alyssa: [00:33:47] For sure. Yeah. I'm one that is always, always willing to talk about how I'm feeling because I never used to want to talk about those things. And then back in 2017, I started to experience anxiety and depression for the first time and I didn't understand why I was feeling that way and I didn't know what it was. And so I had to start going to therapy and I quickly realized how expensive therapy was and that I didn't have as much coverage, I guess, through my benefits than I thought I would. It was like, OK, here's your four sessions. Now it's on you. [00:34:26][39.4]

Karen: [00:34:27] Yeah. [00:34:27][0.0]

Sean: [00:34:27] Gosh. [00:34:27][0.0]

Alyssa: [00:34:28] And I was like, well, I'm not done yet. It's gonna take more than four sessions. [00:34:32][4.1]

Sean: [00:34:33] Yeah! [00:34:33][0.0]

Alyssa: [00:34:34] It's like such a huge correlation. I realize a lot of the feelings I was feeling had to do with my job at the time. Driving to work and driving home was when my mental health was like significantly on the decline. Those thirty minute drives in traffic. I was like, oh, this is when it's really hard for me. And I think it's just a lot of it has to do with that I'm not happy in my in my workplace. And that's a really common theme as well is you feel tied to your job because you need it to pay your bills. And I've been there, too, where I was stuck in a job where I was being sexually harassed by a boss. Worst experience of my life. And I couldn't leave because I had so much debt, so many bills to pay. That was just it. I, I had no options. And that's what a lot of people feel. And that's the kind of pit that money can put you in. And that's exactly why it's super, super important to have these tougher conversations and say, yeah, we do have to pay for this kind of stuff. It's not convenient. We need a better way and just make it more known that there has to be better options for people, but also that you're not alone in your journey. [00:35:40][66.0]

Karen: [00:35:41] Wow, Alyssa, that's such an important experience to share, because I think money makes us feel trapped in so many ways. And so you are having this experience that you felt like you didn't have any options because of your financial situation. Just must feel so mortifying. And we've talked to several people have talked about the fact that they felt like they couldn't get out of a job that they didn't enjoy or couldn't make choices for themselves because they just felt so underneath this financial burden. [00:36:12][31.3]

Alyssa: [00:36:13] Yes, and that is one lesson that I've taken with me, too, is now I have an emergency fund that's specifically for if I ever feel like I need to leave my job, it's just something that I have. We have like our family emergency fund that's for our home and our child and all of those kind of things. But I just have a personal one. It's for if I want to leave my job, it's for if something happens with me and my partner, which like I love him to death. And he knows I have this bank account, but it's just like I need that for peace of mind. I need that to protect myself. And I think everyone should have it. It doesn't matter who you are, how secure your relationship is, how much you love your job. Something can change in an instant and you need to have that fund to protect yourself. [00:36:54][40.8]

Sean: [00:36:54] And that's that's a really good tip on how you started, I guess, building that, a healthier relationship between your own mental health and those finances. Do you have any other suggestions for people who might be feeling a little overwhelmed, like, for example, maybe they're in a job, they're stuck in the U.S. because I need health care and there's no other options right now? So do you have any other tips for people who might be stuck? [00:37:14][20.0]

Alyssa: [00:37:15] Yeah, all I can say is that's the toughest part about finances. There's just only so much advice that's tailored to fit every unique situation. But it's more like the best thing I did. And one thing that I still always do is I transfer twenty dollars into that emergency fund every single week. I put it in on a Saturday because I used to spend that much money when I would go out for dinner or drinks on like the cab ride home. And it just was an easy expense. I didn't notice it coming out of my account yet. It was still significant enough to grow the account quickly. So just some kind of small amount that you can transfer every single week that you can put towards... People call it an F-off Fund. I don't know if we're allowed to swear on this podcast but uh... [00:37:59][43.8]

Karen: [00:37:59] It's PG-13, Alyssa! [00:37:59][0.0]

Alyssa: [00:37:59] Apologies! [00:37:59][0.0]

Sean: [00:37:59] Karen likes to swear. [00:37:59][0.0]

Alyssa: [00:38:03] Yeah, it's just good to have that fund. It's a safe, it's a safe place for you. And every time you see it growing, you're like, OK, I'm one step closer to being able to leave the job. [00:38:11][8.6]

McKenna: [00:38:12] And also something that you talk a lot about is, of course, we don't always handle our finances perfectly all the time. And that that's OK, that we can celebrate the small victories and get through the harder days. Do you have any advice for our listeners who may be struggling with giving themselves some grace, some space to make mistakes and still be productive with their financial security? [00:38:35][22.6]

Alyssa: [00:38:36] Yeah, absolutely. I just was having a conversation with one of my followers about this because she's paying off such a significant amount of debt. She's in her twenties. She's living with her parents again, but she's doing all these things to better herself financially. At the same time, it feels like she's behind because she's put herself back living with her parents and, and she's not able to go out and do all the same kind of stuff she used to do. But the thing is, you're only going to be dealing with that feeling for such a short amount of time. And if you don't face that feeling, you're going to be dealing with it for a longer period of time because you're going to have to step out and deal with a much bigger issue. Like I like to think about it as like, if you're dealing with some kind of - same with mental health - if you're dealing with something difficult and you start walking down a pathway and you don't like that pathway, but you just continue walking down it because it's easier to just go back down this path or even turn around and pick the other pathway. But the further down you go, the longer of a walk. It's going to be to get back down that path. So the sooner you choose to turn around, the better. And it's not going to be fun. You already, you already walk down that pathway. It's like you're not seeing anything new. It's not going to be exciting, but at least you're getting closer and closer to a new pathway that, that's a lot more successful and a lot more, just happy, which is what I think we all want to feel, is just happy and healthy and relaxed. [00:39:58][81.5]

Karen: [00:39:59] Yeah, really great. Do you feel like your parenting has been more joyful? And of course parenting is hard, but just like your relationship with your daughter and having the time, the extra time because you're not focused on all those financial worries? [00:40:17][18.2]

Alyssa: [00:40:18] Yeah, I think kid or not, if you don't have to worry about money, what a great feeling, right? And a rare feeling for a lot of people. So it's just it frees up your mind. Like when you're in debt, when I was in debt, that was all I was thinking about. Like even if I was thinking about something else, it was just in the back of my mind lingering there. It felt like there was something sitting on my shoulders all the time. And it's exhausting. So as soon as you get rid of it, which it doesn't matter how long it takes, as soon as you get rid of it, it feels like, oh my gosh, I can finally breathe again. Like I feel like a human being again because I was just living in this alternate universe where I had no control. [00:40:57][38.8]

McKenna: [00:40:58] Yeah, that's a great point. Alyssa, this has been so wonderful. Everything that you've said is so helpful and has so much practical wisdom. And I know that our listeners are going to love it so much and we already love it so much. This is our biggest thing, aside from sharing these stories with our listeners, is getting to take in all of this wonderful information and use it. So it's a little selfish, but, but we're so thrilled that you're here. Do you have any parting wisdom? You've given us so much. But I just want to make sure you have the chance to say anything you like. [00:41:29][30.9]

Alyssa: [00:41:30] I don't know about wisdom. I would just say that you're not alone. I can't say that enough. And that if you're looking to kind of control your situation, it's always a good idea to just find people on social media. We're all on social media. So like, curate a feed that inspires you and makes you feel motivated and makes you happy instead of the feed that we have grown up with, which is like, be better, and this is what I'm like. So you should be doing the same things as me. Like stop the comparison and just appreciate what you're doing and how much work you're putting in, because that is way more important than what anyone else is doing. [00:42:07][37.0]

McKenna: [00:42:08] Yeah. And then the last thing we like to ask our guests is if there's anything you've been reading or listening to lately that lifts your spirits or inspires you. [00:42:16][8.4]

Alyssa: [00:42:17] Yeah, I'm trying to read three books a month, but... It's becoming a lot. But I'm reading, I'm reading Broke Millennial Talks Money. It just, just was released. It is amazing. It's just talking about money. It's all the different ways you talk about money. It's how to negotiate, how to talk with your friends, how to talk with your partner, how to talk with your family. I've already, I've only done part one and I've learned so much and I've already actually used a couple of the tips she's recommended for negotiating. So that's an awesome read. If you're looking to just feel more comfortable talking about money. [00:42:49][32.2]

Karen: [00:42:49] That's awesome. I know, I'm familiar with that book, but I haven't read it yet. So now I'm excited. [00:42:55][5.3]

Alyssa: [00:42:55] Yeah. [00:42:55][0.0]

McKenna: [00:42:56] Yeah. I think somebody else mentioned her too, so I'm excited to see what she's all about. [00:43:01][4.7]

Alyssa: [00:43:01] Yeah, she has three books. It's like a series of just one about investing, one about general getting out of debt and then this one which is talking about money. So she's an awesome writer. [00:43:10][8.3]

McKenna: [00:43:11] Awesome! Oh yay, I'm excited! Well this has been so great. [00:43:13][2.3]

Karen: [00:43:14] Oh my gosh. So good. [00:43:15][0.9]

Alyssa: [00:43:15] Thanks so much, guys. It was great chatting with you. Have a great day. Talk to you guys soon. [00:43:19][3.7]

Sean: [00:43:19] Take care. [00:43:19][0.2]

McKenna: [00:43:21] Thank you everyone for listening to this episode of Health: It's Personal. Follow us wherever you get your podcasts for bonus episodes and new releases every Wednesday. The Health: It's Personal podcast is produced by me, McKenna Uhde, and hosted with the Phronesis Health Initiative team, Karen Shively and Sean Tingle. Special thanks to portrait artist Alexander, musical contributor Bernie Ramke, and to our guests and experts for their kindness and bravery in sharing their stories each week. [00:43:48][27.3]

Karen: [00:43:49] Please listen, subscribe, engage and send us topics we can explore that would help you on your journey. [00:43:53][4.4]

Sean: [00:43:57] Because health, it's personal. [00:43:57][0.0]