Episode Transcript

Heather Featherston

McKenna: [00:00:00] Hello, everyone, and welcome to Health: It's Personal. Today, we're talking with Heather Featherston, COO of Lifetime Adoption, to answer all of your questions about domestic adoption. This week, our format is a little bit different. We've asked our listeners and Patreon supporters for their questions for Heather, and we will plan to have this be in a shorter, more Q&A format. So welcome, Heather. We're so glad you're here. [00:00:23][23.5]

Heather: [00:00:24] Thank you. And thank you for having me to talk about this this topic that really a lot of people don't know about. [00:00:31][6.7]

Karen: [00:00:32] That is true. I know we get so many questions about it. [00:00:35][2.9]

Sean: [00:00:35] Or they think they know. [00:00:35][0.6]

Heather: [00:00:37] Right? Right. [00:00:37][0.6]

McKenna: [00:00:38] Yeah, lots of misconceptions. We'd love to hear a bit about your wonderful organization, Lifetime, and the work you're so passionate about. [00:00:45][7.3]

Heather: [00:00:46] Sure. Lifetime Adoption was actually founded in nineteen eighty six. So this is we're celebrating our thirty fifth year of helping pregnant moms and adoptive couples come together for open adoptions. We are a licensed adoption agency headquartered in the state of Florida, and we're able to provide services to, again, the pregnant moms and the families in almost every state. We have a passion for educating women on the choices they have in open modern adoption and supporting them as well as the adoptive parents as they move forward to create an adoption plan together. [00:01:28][41.5]

Karen: [00:01:29] That's really cool. I noticed that you have some videos really talking about how adoptions changed over the years and it's becoming much more mainstream and open. And I think that's really incredible and important for the families that need it. [00:01:43][14.0]

Heather: [00:01:43] It's really important for the child, too, because, you know, when I was growing up, I had a couple of adopted friends and their parents sat them down around 10 or 12 years old and explained that they were adopted. And it was a shock. But today's adoptions, the child knows from the beginning through board books, story books, all about how they came to be in the family. So adoption is something that is talked about from the beginning. It's very normal. So children don't have this crisis of identity at 10 or 12 years old when all of a sudden everything they thought they knew, they find out they they didn't. So it it really has changed in so many ways, even in the last, say, 30 to 40 years. [00:02:27][43.6]

Karen: [00:02:27] Yeah. Really celebrated. Yeah. So today we're going to talk a bit with you about financing adoption because, you know, so many people know that adoption is the route that they want to go when starting a family. However, they don't always understand kind of the processes involved with that. And so that can kind of get people tripped up sometimes and maybe make the time go or like, what am I trying to say there? Like, it makes it a longer process because maybe that keeps them from heading down that path when they really want to. [00:03:02][34.2]

Heather: [00:03:02] Right. And the financial aspect is one that is often a surprise for couples they may have planned for perhaps paying for infertility treatments, surrogacy, those types of things. But it can be a surprise when they get to adoption and find that there are professional fees for adoption services as well. And many times that that, again, it was unexpected. So they they do perhaps have to pause and raise or earn or find those funds to move forward. [00:03:34][32.1]

Karen: [00:03:35] Absolutely. Yeah. And for families that are already feeling like maybe things aren't going the way that they initially planned, having to stop and really think about this other aspect might add an additional challenge for sure. [00:03:50][14.6]

Heather: [00:03:51] Yes, absolutely. [00:03:51][0.5]

Karen: [00:03:52] So you're here today to tell us about some amazing resources that people might not know about that will help with this process. [00:03:59][7.0]

Heather: [00:04:01] Right. And some of these are actually things that you don't have to qualify. You already have. I think one of the the biggest ways that we encourage families to start looking for the money to to help adopt is simply asking your employer if they have adoption benefits. Many companies over the past 15 years or so have added what's simply called adoption benefits. And it is basically cash that they provide their employees to help offset the costs of adoption. It can be two thousand. It can be ten thousand. But it can be a benefit that already is there waiting for you that you don't even know about. [00:04:45][44.0]

Karen: [00:04:46] That's really cool. So that's just part of like a benefits package type situation. [00:04:51][5.0]

Heather: [00:04:51] Yes! Absolutely! In fact, one of the companies that has a very large one is Wendy's, the hamburger chain. Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy's, was a huge adoption proponent and created the Dave Thomas Foundation, which really focuses on adoption and, you know, so from a corporate level, he put his money where his mouth was and and he has created a very large adoption benefit for employees of his company. [00:05:19][28.9]

Karen: [00:05:20] That's so cool. Yeah, I love that. Is there a list out there that's available to couples considering adoption to kind of know what employers offer this benefit? [00:05:32][11.4]

Heather: [00:05:33] I believe the Dave Thomas Foundation puts out a list every year of 100 companies, but there are far more, even some what they call PEOs, where maybe you work for a company, but your payroll comes through - Insperity is a big one. BBSI. It comes from another organization. Some of them have adoption benefits, too. So definitely the first place to start is asking your H.R. department and if you are self-employed, it's a benefit you could add to your own company and then be able to pay yourself as well. [00:06:08][35.0]

Sean: [00:06:08] Well, that's amazing. Well, it's good to keep in mind. [00:06:11][2.9]

Karen: [00:06:12] Yeah, that's really cool. [00:06:13][1.1]

Heather: [00:06:14] In fact, the Dave Thomas has a kit, I believe, that employees can get online to if your employer doesn't have this to educate and inform and encourage them to add it to your benefit package. [00:06:28][14.0]

Sean: [00:06:29] Oh, I love that. [00:06:29][0.4]

McKenna: [00:06:29] Oh, that's really interesting. It's kind of one of those things, too, I remember when I was working for a food media company, they would pay for you to go to culinary school. [00:06:39][9.7]

Heather: [00:06:39] Exactly. Yes. [00:06:41][1.1]

McKenna: [00:06:41] But you would never think to ask that, you know. [00:06:43][2.0]

Sean: [00:06:44] No. [00:06:44][0.0]

McKenna: [00:06:44] Yeah, that's really interesting. There's a lot of resources out there. I want to jump into a lot of them with you. But I also wanted to know, where do you start? Where do you begin to kind of open your mind on where to look? And I know, obviously your company offers a lot of resources for getting started too. [00:07:03][18.2]

Heather: [00:07:03] Another great thing to learn about as you're exploring adoption is the federal adoption tax credit. The federal government gives at this point just over fourteen thousand dollars as a tax credit to adoptive parents. Well, you know, you need to learn about how a credit is on your taxes, but it's different than a tax deduction. Basically, it's a dollar for dollar credit to the taxes you pay. So that is a very valuable aspect of, like I say, finding that that money. Also, the year you finalize your adoption, you get the child tax credit, you get that child deduction, you get all those other tax benefits as well. But the fourteen thousand tax credit is a way that some families say who take out a loan, which there's loans available or borrow from a family member. Often they plan on repaying that when they get that fourteen thousand dollar tax credit. [00:07:59][56.1]

Sean: [00:08:00] OK. [00:08:00][0.0]

Heather: [00:08:01] You know, if you have a situation where you have a failed adoption, I believe you can still use the tax credit for that as well. [00:08:09][7.8]

Sean: [00:08:09] OK, that's good to know. Yeah, because I'm sure you're still paying the fees and everything throughout the process. [00:08:14][4.6]

Heather: [00:08:15] You do. You still pay the fees. A good example of that is in international adoption, when a family begins pursuing an international adoption in a country and they start working on their home study, they start working on their dossier, they they start the services, they pay an agency, and then suddenly the country closes. This happened in Russia many years ago. We don't we don't see adoptions from Russia anymore because the country closed to US adopters. So those families were just stuck there. There's nothing more you can do. So they could apply for a failed adoption and and get the help with that tax credit. [00:08:53][38.2]

Sean: [00:08:53] I remember that. I heard a program on NPR about that situation that was terrible. And then one quick other question about the tax credit. If you know, is this a once per lifetime thing or is it once per adoption? [00:09:05][11.8]

Heather: [00:09:07] I believe it happens with every adoption. [00:09:08][1.5]

Sean: [00:09:09] Okay, great! [00:09:09][0.1]

Heather: [00:09:10] But like I say, you need to really have like a finalized adoption to get to get the biggest, biggest benefit. Another way families use that tax credit to to pay off is if they borrow from themselves, from their 401k. Many of us who have a job, we have we're working. We have those benefits. And we also have the benefit of a company sponsored 401k. This is a qualified reason to borrow from that. And then when you pay the interest back and you pay the principal back, you're actually paying interest back to yourself. So it's it's not like an outside loan where you're paying interest to a bank, you're actually paying interest to yourself. It's easy to access. There's really little qualification and most 401ks you can borrow up to fifty thousand dollars. So that's another place you can find the financing you may you may need right there, basically waiting for you to access it. [00:10:09][59.0]

Sean: [00:10:10] That's so helpful. [00:10:10][0.4]

Heather: [00:10:11] Yeah, it's really important to process that as a loan rather than a distribution because the distribution would create taxes. But a loan, you just take it out, borrow it and you put it back without without any taxes or penalties. [00:10:25][14.3]

Sean: [00:10:27] So on that note, do you have any advice on seeking out crowd funding programs? [00:10:31][4.8]

Heather: [00:10:32] There are a number of organizations that help with that. Pure Charity is one that that helps. Other families set up a GoFundMe. They sell T-shirts, there's puzzle piece fundraisers, there's different things like that. And if you're a family that has those connections, that can be a great thing, that can really help you raise raise some funds. Other families feel uncomfortable doing it. And there's really no right or wrong. You have to know for yourself. Number one, if you have the connections to make it work, if you if you're not on social much, if nobody in your close circle of friends is on social much, it may not it may not work for you. If you don't have a compelling story, it may not work for you. It's a it's a very personal thing. And like I say, I've seen families be incredibly successful doing it. It's something that you have to you have to work on. You really do. If you're not ready or if you're slightly hesitant to go that route, honestly, the best thing you can do is maybe pick up a part time job, pick up something and save that money directly for your your adoption, because if it's going to be uncomfortable, it may not be worth the effort. [00:11:50][77.8]

Sean: [00:11:51] I agree. Yeah. [00:11:51][0.5]

Karen: [00:11:52] That's a great point. One of the financial experts that we spoke with during this series said that one of the ways to really make an impact is to increase your income. And so, like you said, you know, just if you're dedicated to finding a part time job for however many months it takes to save up the money that you need, that can really alleviate some of the stress that might come from asking others for support. [00:12:17][25.1]

Heather: [00:12:18] Right. Especially if you have a talent or skill that is worth someone paying for. You know, if if you play the piano, pick up a couple of students to teach teach lessons to. If you're great at selling online, you know, put that skill out there, even if it is in a form to to basically raise those funds. For instance, we have had families have yard sales and just kind of let their neighbors know, hey, we're we're doing a yard sale. We really hope to raise money for our adoption. And all of a sudden their neighbors are donating stuff to the yard sale and they say, here you go, just sell this stuff, keep the money we want to help and support you. So it may be easier and more natural than know trying to get online and and do a GoFundMe just simply because it's things you're already doing or things you can supplement that you're naturally doing for yourself. It's also something that people can find a lot more comfortable because nobody likes going and asking for money. I mean, it's kind of an uncomfortable place to be. [00:13:27][69.1]

Karen: [00:13:28] Yeah, absolutely. And it just depends on the level of support you have from the people around you for sure. [00:13:33][5.3]

Heather: [00:13:34] Yes. [00:13:34][0.0]

Sean: [00:13:35] Do you have any tips for finding and applying for adoption grants? [00:13:38][3.4]

Heather: [00:13:39] There are a lot of grants. We have some listed on our website. But the reality is there's far more families who apply than there are funds available. So if you qualify, some of them require that you have a home study done already. Some of them require that you have certain family characteristics. Some of them require you have certain faith. Just depends how the grants are set up. But just know that. There's a lot of people that apply and there's few people that get them, so it certainly doesn't hurt to apply. But again, doing some of these other things, if you really are counting on that money to adopt, you know, having those yard sales doing something is getting an extra job. Those are more sure ways of raising the money, then applying for for grants. [00:14:32][52.1]

Karen: [00:14:33] What's really cool about what you're doing, McKenna and a few other people that we've talked to, or if you know for sure that you're going to adopt in the future-. [00:14:42][8.7]

McKenna: [00:14:42] Sean, as well. [00:14:43][0.5]

Karen: [00:14:43] Really... Oh, yeah. And Sean - like really thinking about saving up that money now so that you have it available when you're ready. It can make it less of a burden, I imagine. [00:14:55][11.5]

Heather: [00:14:56] And also, it really depends your motivation and desire to adopt as well. There are multiple paths through adoption. And when we talk about adoption, often we talk about children waiting to be adopted. There are thousands of children waiting to be adopted in the foster care system. Those are typically not newborns. They're typically, you know, school aged or older. And there are little to no cost to adopt those children. So if if you really have a passion and a desire to open your home to a child in need and you're looking at the the cost, maybe reconsider your your goal if if that is your desire to help a child look at a waiting child because you are not going to need a large budget. The the adoption expenses are paid through the states, through the federal government, basically through taxpayer dollars. And those are children who really need a home and a family. There's been a movement in the past probably six to 12 months about adopting teenagers. [00:16:04][68.3]

Karen: [00:16:05] Hmm. [00:16:05][0.0]

Heather: [00:16:06] There are so many teenagers waiting. So, you know, for families who really that's that's their passion and goal is to help a child. That is an opportunity you can look into, which does not take a lot of savings. It doesn't take a lot of money. And in some states, it's it's completely free. So that's just something else to keep in mind, because, you know, many of the families we help through lifetime adoption, these are couples who've been through infertility. They cannot get pregnant. And they're they're really hopeful to have that baby experience. But there's a lot of couples out there who just really, truly want to help a child. And you don't need a lot of money to truly help a child. [00:16:50][44.0]

Karen: [00:16:51] Can you imagine going through your teenage years and not having the support that you need like that? [00:16:56][5.2]

Heather: [00:16:56] Right. [00:16:56][0.0]

Karen: [00:16:57] That's such a compelling reason to adopt a teenage child. [00:17:00][3.3]

Sean: [00:17:01] One of our past guests actually was in such a situation herself and went from home to home. And now she's giving back by managing some of those homes, which is amazing to see. But it definitely I like that taking a step back and thinking, what are my goals here? What do I see for my family? That's amazing to think about. [00:17:19][17.8]

McKenna: [00:17:19] And actually, also one of our past guests, we spoke to a couple who adopted through the foster care system in Arizona, and they kind of had a fluke situation where a young mom came into the foster care facility and said that she wanted to privately adopt her twins. And so that was kind of an instance where they were able to get newborn twins, but which doesn't happen very often. But you never know what you're going to get. You know, it's a really interesting process. [00:17:51][31.7]

Heather: [00:17:52] It is. And it is, I think that's one of the I love what you said, McKenna. You never know what you're going to get. I think that's one of the the trademarks of adoption I so enjoy is working with families, seeing them come in with some expectations or no expectations or even very structured expectations and realize that this is a journey that is so different. They learn so many things along the way and with our program that that is very much driven by the the birth mother, the pregnant mom. The biggest surprise they see is the great compassion and love they grow to have for her in not only choosing adoption for her baby, but choosing them as the parents. [00:18:38][45.6]

McKenna: [00:18:39] Yeah, that's really lovely. You know, I think all of this advice on finance is so wonderful. And I know a lot of people who are considering adoption don't always know about these resources. So I'm thrilled to send them to your website. Also, something Mom mentioned before is saving early if you want to do private adoption. And I know that we've had conversations on the podcast, someone who suggested saving for your wedding now and, you know, maybe you don't have a partner, and you're not sure if you will have the wedding, but then you can use the funds for something else. At least you're saving and you shouldn't feel embarrassed to do that if you're not ready to get married yet. And it can be the same thing for adoption I think. [00:19:21][41.7]

Heather: [00:19:22] It absolutely can. And and, you know, for for most families who are pursuing adoption, really the most successful tip for them is to to look at this list and not pick one, but realize that combining one, two, three of these methods, regardless of what you're saving for, like you mentioned, if you're saving for a wedding that you don't have a date for yet or anything else, you don't rely on one method of of saving your funding. But look into your options even if you don't necessarily need them now, like the federal tax credit, look into it. So you know what's available when you do need it. It has been a kind of an ongoing challenge with the tax credit over time because it used to be not permanent. It was like it would get it was passed for like a five year period. And then there was this big advocacy that had to take place to, you know, to petition Congress to extend it. They finally made it permanent. But just looking and knowing and being aware of those things helps educate you toward your goal. And if you can take like, say, two or three of these methods, learn and use them, it will help you get to that savings goal faster. [00:20:37][74.3]

Karen: [00:20:38] Yeah, it sounds like you can combine some of these ideas or some of these resources to come up with a pretty solid plan to really get to your goal, maybe the whole thing. [00:20:50][11.5]

Heather: [00:20:51] Absolutely. I mean, think about it. If you're looking for for work, you know, it's OK as you're interviewing with companies to ask, do you have an adoption credit, especially if you have some flexibility in where you take a job, if you're not, you know, so desperate to take one that will have you, you know, ask them if that's part of their adoption package. And that can be a deciding factor for you if you know that that is something that may happen sooner in your life. So, you know, knowledge is so powerful being aware of these things so you can start planning for your goals. [00:21:24][33.4]

Karen: [00:21:25] So there are some other options as well that maybe aren't as well known or popular, but military benefits. Are there some benefits there? [00:21:35][9.9]

Heather: [00:21:37] Yes, the military works similar to adoption tax credit. They give, I think, just a little more than two thousand dollars per adoption, which can be a help. Like I mentioned, many banks and credit unions now have specific loan options and lines of credit for adoption, which can really be a benefit, even just a basic home equity line of credit. Many people don't think about that. They may think of getting that lined up to do a remodel, but they don't necessarily think about that up for adoption. But you can get that home equity line even if you just get approved for it. If and when you need it, you can you know, it's it's there for you to access. So that really can help you bridge the gap. If you say your say you are in the middle of pursuing an adoption because fees are due at different times and you may be part of the way through and find out that you have to do more travel, stay longer. Attorney fees are higher than you expected. You know, having that cushion can can help. And and actually, one of the one of the real lesser known ways is for families with good credit, look into zero interest credit cards. You can get a zero interest credit card, make your charges now, pay off over the next 12 to 18 months. And there you've you financed what you need now with someone else's money at zero interest. [00:23:07][90.7]

Karen: [00:23:08] Brilliant. [00:23:08][0.0]

Sean: [00:23:10] I probably should have asked this earlier, but if you don't mind, do you know approximately how much the average adoption might cost in total? [00:23:17][6.7]

Heather: [00:23:18] It really depends on the path you take because each adoption has so many different factors. You know, we already talked about foster adoptions and those through the state can be free or no cost, but international or domestic, either one probably start around thirty thousand through an agency or through through an attorney or facilitator, upwards of sixty five to seventy thousand. [00:23:45][27.8]

Heather: [00:23:46] But again, that has to do with the family budget. For instance, in many states, the pregnant moms are allowed to have help with their pregnancy related expenses that can include rent, utilities, phone, food, maternity clothes and medical costs. So for a family who who feels that, yes, we want to help with those things, they may have a larger budget for that. A family who perhaps is restricted by their own state laws or just doesn't have the budget to help with that. They may set a smaller birth mother expense budget. So there is a lot of flexibility. [00:24:26][40.0]

Heather: [00:24:27] There's also a lot of variance in state. Every state requires a family to get a home study. And a home study is when someone does background checks, home visits, financial checks just to certify that the family is prepared and ready and and able to parent a child through adoption. The cost of the home study varies widely by state. In one state, it may be a thousand dollars. In another state, it may be five thousand dollars. It just really depends. [00:24:57][29.9]

Heather: [00:24:58] And then the other the other item that often is forgotten is the travel. You know, when you are matched with a birth mother or in international adoption, when it's time to go get your child, you have to travel and you do have to stay where that child is for a certain period of time. And in domestic interstate adoption, that can be anywhere from ten days to three weeks, depending on how quickly the paperwork is processed. So you have to have a budget for that. And certainly travel is something that, you know, what one person does very economically, another person can do very extravagantly. It's it's about personal choice, but that plays into why the costs vary so greatly. [00:25:42][44.4]

Sean: [00:25:43] Thank you so much. That was. Yeah. Helpful. [00:25:45][1.7]

McKenna: [00:25:46] Yeah. And things you don't even think about. [00:25:47][1.6]

Sean: [00:25:48] Yes. I mean, even on a budget, travel can be expensive, so. [00:25:51][3.3]

Heather: [00:25:52] Yeah, exactly. [00:25:53][0.3]

McKenna: [00:25:55] Well, Heather, this has been so, so wonderful. You've given us so much information. Is there anything else you'd like to add? [00:26:00][5.5]

Heather: [00:26:01] You know, I think really I would encourage families to not be deterred by the cost of adoption. Our founder believes very strongly that there is a child for every every family who wants to adopt. And the financial aspect should never deter you. You may have to, you know, work out a savings plan. You may have to learn more about some of the things we've talked about today in order to really, you know, figure out how you can afford that for your family in your situation. But don't ever be deterred if if you truly are ready to be a parent, there is a child for you. [00:26:35][34.9]

Sean: [00:26:36] That's beautiful. [00:26:36][0.2]

Karen: [00:26:37] That's such a beautiful message. Yeah, I love that. And and because everyone's situation is so unique and their path is going to lead wherever it leads, money is just a very small part of that, but an important one. So thank you so much for giving us all this really great information. [00:26:54][17.1]

Heather: [00:26:55] It's my pleasure. [00:26:56][0.3]

Sean: [00:26:56] Yeah. Thank you. We'll see you soon. Take care. [00:26:58][1.8]

Heather: [00:26:58] You too. Bye bye. [00:26:59][0.6]

McKenna: [00:27:02] Thank you, everyone, for listening to this episode of Health: It's Personal. Follow us wherever you get your podcasts for bonus episodes and new releases every Wednesday. The Health: It's Personal podcast is produced by me, McKenna Uhde, and hosted with the Phronesis Health Initiative team Karen Shively and Sean Tingle. Special thanks to portrait artist Alexander, musical contributor Berney Ramke and to our guests and experts for their kindness and bravery in sharing their stories each week. [00:27:29][27.3]

Karen: [00:27:30] Please listen, subscribe, engage and send us topics we can explore that would help you on your journey. [00:27:34][4.4]

Sean: [00:27:38] Because health, it's personal. [00:27:38][0.0]